Onward and Upward - Amy Kugler
Season 1, Episode 1
We all have stories to tell about the multitudes we contain as mothers and caregivers - it’s up to us to share! In the premiere episode of “And More,” Amy sits down for an intimate conversation about the power our stories hold and how we access the strength to tell them. She also gives a preview of what to expect for this new season of in-depth discussions and hilarious moments.
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Show Notes
About Amy Kugler:
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About the Show: “And More with Amy Kugler” is a production of BEAM, a venture dedicated to amplifying the untold stories of motherhood and building public/private/advocacy partnerships to shift policy for moms nationally and globally.
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Transcript
Amy Kugler: I know really well about the stories that that we hold deep inside the depth and breadth of our experiences. They don't come from these one off stories. They come from the "both/and."
They come when we expand what we think we can do, and not limit ourselves to one or two roles.
This is "And More with Amy Kugler." It's a show where we'll explore all of the stories about motherhood and caregiving and how they can be a driving force for change. We'll talk about the challenging and hilarious moments that we rarely say out loud. And we'll find a way forward that lifts us all up. Let's get started.
Hey, everyone. I'm Amy Kugler and I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of stories. I know many of you haven't met me. So let's do a quick introduction. Get that out of the way. All right. I am a media executive and a mom to two incredible kids. Brendan is six is my son and Evie, or Evelyn, just turned a year old. I've spent my entire career helping others share their stories, from working with C suite executives, to women in the press to local volunteer organizations and working to raise money, community programs, you name it. It's been across the gamut. I've worked in DC, I've helped shape policy on Capitol Hill. I was in the middle of Hurricane Katrina, working with cancer survivors to get them the treatment that they needed. I have been in so many situations where I've heard from senators, presidents, policymakers, moms, dads, aunties, the person who gives you your coffee in the morning, you know that one who makes sure that you get the vanilla latte that you need? Yeah, I've I've heard conversations from all of them. And so really, the one thing you need to know about me is that my superpower has always been to listen, to gather stories and to make sense of it all.
We don't hear the stories of anxiety and frustration. And we only hear the good stuff, right? And there's I do the same thing now. Like that's the thing I found out as a mom is that I do that exact same thing that I said I would never do. I have the best story about my son. You know, when when he was like three, we were playing with dinosaurs. And it was in the middle of the pandemic. So, you know, it was just the three of us at home all the time when we were playing with dinosaurs. Now the one thing you need to know about Brendon is that he knows the name to every single dinosaur both real and imagined of all time. Like he knows them all. Now that he is older, he can spell most of them and it's wild. But he are talking one day and we're playing with dinosaurs. And there's a story about Paki Cephalus horses. He and I were were just butting heads all day. And then later as we're playing with those dinosaurs, they're you know, they're the ones with the really round bumps on the head that really butt heads all the time. He looks at me and he's like mama Pachycelphalosaurus. I looked at him I was like, "You know what, buddy? You're right. We are." That's what this sometimes just what we do.
And I tell that story all the time. But here's the thing. I leave out about the fact that about an hour before that I was crying in the bathroom, because I was so frustrated from solo parenting that day. And I also was getting calls from my CEO needing something, from a work deliverable to a conversation to a media quote to something in the press, it was a lot. So I know really well about the stories that that we hold deep inside the depth and breadth of our experiences. They don't come from these one off stories. They come from the "both/and."
As a as a mom now in my almost seventh year, I know I have a lot to learn. And I know that there's a lot that I'm personally going through that we'll talk about on the show, but really, I know that others are doing the same. It's how can I be the primary caretaker for my kid? And my parent?
How can I walk through toddlerhood and perimenopause, right, like, these are the things that we don't talk about. These are the stories that come up in random conversations as an afterthought. But here's the thing, we're going to have him here.
Those are the stories where we dig or dig deep more into the context, each story is going on its own Now, mind you, but the ones that build movements that make a difference, the ones where you can zoom in and see those individual people and the emotions and the joy again, that heartbreak, everything, and then zoom out to see the context, you know the story of the forest through the trees. Those are the ones that make a difference. And those are the ones that we all have inside of us. I like to call this human scale storytelling. It's our ability to go both deep on an individual level, and zoom out to see the bigger picture.
These are the stories I've spent a lifetime telling. And I believe our stories hold power in two ways. First, it helps us find ways to be vulnerable and share our own perspective. Whether that's comfortable or liked or not. It helps us connect with others in a way that's deeper than how's the weather? How was your meal? How'd you sleep?
You know, the thing is, is that these stories are the hardest to get to. Right. It takes a while. It takes a lot of trust. And I'm really glad you're along the journey with me that you trust that we're going to share these stories here because trust me we are. It's it's those are the stories that matter.
And here's the thing.I told you a lot about myself and why I love stories.
But the secret that I didn't want to tell you but I should tell you is that I'm always the one who's been behind the scenes. I'm never the one that's in front of the mic. So this is a whole new role for me. And if I'm asking all of you to be vulnerable, and the guests were here each week to do the same, then I figured maybe I should lead by example. So let's grab some coffee and I'm going to share my story about a mom of a six month old a nursing room and the ignition for building a movement. You Ready?
Set so it's about my daughter Evie is about six months old, and I spent a lot of my maternity leave with her this time i chose that the little differently this time. And we were spending 24/7 together as you do, and those early days with no sleep and lots of coffee. And among all of the other things that I was doing was starting to come back to work, and really trying to figure out what I wanted, what I wanted to be when I grow up, right, because every new, every new kiddo that enters in your life is, you know, someone that kind of rearranges your identity in some ways. And so, in addition to being a media executive, and a client and consultant, only these things, I'm also a writer. And so I figured the best way to dip my toe in to, you know, stepping away from Eevee for more than a few hours at a time, and setting up the world for success. And, you know, and just getting back into my own groove was to go to a conference here in Seattle is where I'm based. And for writers and publishers, I'm currently writing a book right now, actually a couple and it seemed like the best way to get back into my creative flow.
So I sign up for the conference, I did everything that I needed to do, which was, you know, lineup care. So recruited the inlaws and recruited a couple of nannies, and my husband works from home, too. So he's on tap and got the schedules ready. And you know, she's still nursing. So I'm lining up all the bottles and figuring out how much you know, much milk we're going to need and how to shuttle my son to school, but then also go to the conference, and then come back in time, I'm planning my conference schedule around pump breaks about where I need to be, and when I need to be in different places to make sure that I'm getting into the right sessions. You know, it's, it's all filling me with anxiety, right? Because what happens when you start a new routine again, you just kind of like, you're just anxious list I am I'm anxious.
And so I get everything prepared as best I can. And I head to the conference. I, you know, check in, there's 8000 people there. And this is the first time I've been in the same place with 8000 people in this beautiful new conference facility. And it is great. I go to my first couple of sessions. It's really inspiring. Life is good. Again, the power of stories. Everyone's telling them I'm meeting people from across the country across the world. It's pretty fascinating. And then I realize, Oh, my body hurts. So I need to go pump. Yeah, my look through the schedule again and realize, rate, that conference that has a nursing mother's room. Awesome that that's by far and large progress since my son was born, you know, six years ago. So I'm like, great, I've got everything. And I already had my pump packed, and I head up to the room and it's locked. And there's a curtain kind of flimsy one. And I'm like, Oh, maybe I need to go get a key or something I was really unclear about what I needed to do. So as I'm up in the fourth floor, I go all the way down to the first and get the key, lug everything back up to the fourth floor. And I see a couple people just like digging in and opening the doors. And all of a sudden, I realized, okay, I have a key. I open this thinly veiled black curtain around the stanchion. And I noticed a wall of glass windows. I click open the door, I open it up, and the lights automatically pop on those, you know those fluorescent lights that go buzzes.
And all I see is a table, a chair and a scene that looks like an interrogation room. So I go in, I realize none of the wall outlets work. And I'm sitting here my anxiety that was at a 10 is now at a 50. Like how in the world am I going to make this happen? So here's the thing. I do what every normal person would do, you know? Yeah, I think about it for a little bit. I'm like, should I should I not? Do I need to go somewhere else? But no, I'm going to stay right here. And I'm going to take the next step. And I'm going to share this story but I'm going to do it in a different way. And I'm going to pause right there because after the break, I'll tell you what happens. Now don't forget you're listening to and more with me, Amy Kugler.
Listen up. We have a great new show for you on Wednesdays at 8:30am on KK and W. Tune in to and more with me, Amy Kugler starting September 13. We'll talk about the challenging and hilarious moments of motherhood that we rarely say out loud. And after the show you'll leave inspired and ready to take on the world. Why? Because you're a mom, and more. I can't wait for you to join us for an more with Amy Kugler on Wednesdays at 830, starting September 13. Exploring new territory every day, this is alternative talk 1150.
All right, welcome back to "And More" with me, Amy Kugler.
So before a break, I was sharing a story of something that happened to me recently that shook me to my core, it was about going to a conference and finding out that this nursing room was literally like an interrogation room. Like it was bad. I was I started, I started pumping, and I don't and you know, if you're if you're a nursing mother, you know, you're very exposed. And there were people, a lot of guys coming in and knocking on the door and asking me to open it because they wanted to space to work. It was humiliating. So I did what I thought everybody would do. I took a picture of it. And then I shared it on social media. Yeah, I did that. So normally, I'm the person who advises clients not to do that, or to do that, depending on the case, right. But I'm never the person who's the one who's raising the microphone and saying, This is it. And I was too upset. So I put it on social. And then I finished my session and went handed back the key and then went about my day at the conference, right, like just no harm, no foul, didn't think about it. It was too engrossed in all the other things that were going on. And so, you know, fast forward a little bit later, I, you know, come back home, I check social media, like nothing's really happening. And that's fine, because I need to put the baby to bed and I need to put my kiddo to bed. And then I got to do some client work before I wake up for day to have a conference. I wake up the next morning, I do what everyone does, right? Don't lie. You know, you do it too. You look at your phone. And I'm looking at 1000s of notifications. And, uh, my heart sunk. Like, it was just all over. And it was all because of that one post on one platform. And I kept looking at it I scrolled and I scrolled and my husband looked at me, he was like, what is wrong was like, "Honey, I think, just went viral." And you know, sure enough, it was, you know, viewed over 300,000 times. We had 1000s of retweets, and people sharing their story and people amplifying really across the board. And honestly, it was a whirlwind that I did not know what to do with. I walked to the conference. And in the conference sessions, people were coming up to me, I mean, oh, my gosh, are you the mom who tweeted about the nursing room? Yeah, I Yeah, that's me. That's, that's me. I did it. So I walked through that entire experience thinking, wow, this is wild. But instead of all of that, like going viral, and I'm using air quotes here, and going viral is is one thing. But really what I saw in all of that, really, were moms sharing those stories that they haven't shared in years, maybe decades. They were retweeting on top of it and saying, you know, when I had my kiddo, 20 years ago, this was the case, that man, I thought we would have had a lot of progress since then. Or have I told you about the time when, or, you know, this happened to me, and I had to be in a broom closet, or God, I can't imagine what that's like, I'm about to have my first kid.
And so all of these stories come bubbling up to the surface, and it made me realize that these are the stories we don't tell and we have to the power of our stories make a difference. It showed me that motherhood can be lonely. But there's such a connective tissue that runs throughout all of us, no matter where we are in life. Right? I'm getting advice from from moms who have kids that are grown and flown. And moms who are considering people who are considering motherhood for the first time And that's the thing is that these are the stories we don't share. So, you know, I'm excited to bring them to you here. That's why I started my venture beam, which is beautifully empathetic, authentic motherhood. And we do this through events, and storytelling avenues like this, like this show where we get to really dig deep. I'm excited to bring you diverse perspectives of people on the show. Some of them will align with your lived experience. And many will be different and challenge your worldview. Either way, I know we're gonna grab a cup of coffee and lean closer, because at the end of the day, what matters is that we listen, that's the one thing I know to be true throughout my entire career. We listen, we share, we dig deep. Now, here's the trick. If we can get our kids to listen, that's a whole other ballgame. So, like I said, and more is not your show your how to parent, right? We're, we're not going to give you a list of tips or tricks to do all of the right things as a parent, because here's the thing, the secret is, I don't even have it figured out. Right?
So instead of doing the how to, we're gonna share our stories of what we have done, and how what we have learned on this show, I am excited. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to bring you conversations with moms and caregivers. And we're digging into those deeper stories that drive all of us forward. You know, like I said, these are the moments in our daily lives that shift a core part of our soul. And yet, we have to brush them aside because we need to charge through the day does, you know the dirty dishes or the lunchboxes won't clean themselves. And we also need to have those conversations about homework or grades or college applications or healthcare appointments and, and the list goes on. We're going to talk about those moments of connection with our partners that often goes unnoticed. Right. And we know that there's something that we want to hold on to there, because we're afraid we're lose it again. We'll ask Scary, scary questions. Sorry, but we will because the scariness is more about seeing who we are in the midst of those questions like, What would have happened if I didn't have kids? Or maybe can I take on that one more thing like the PTA? Or should I just say, no. You know, I have been talking about doing a show like this for years. And it really hasn't been until the past six months that it feels like the world is ready for it. We crave connection. We crave connection with each other. And we want to know we're not alone.
We're going to cover all stories of parenting from all aspects, from all walks of life, so that we can see it all in one clear view. Because here's the thing, mothers are often placed into one caregiving category. But we contain multitudes. We are a driving force in the economy. We are the decision makers, for our families. We are business builders. And we're the ones that our kids and our our spouse, and our friends and everyone else runs to on the bad days for comfort. The most of all, we are humans with our own ambitions and desires. And sometimes those desires fall by the wayside, but not anymore. It's time to let those dreams come to life, no matter what they look like, it's time to speak these stories out loud. Because it's not just the caregiving stories that drive our lives. It's all of it, The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly. Those are the stories that drive our lives and the ones that give us hope. They may be pissed us off a little bit too. And and that's okay. Because that's just what life is all about. Because when I share my story, or a guest shares their story about motherhood, or caregiving or something that they're going through in the midst of all of that. And then you share your story with a friend or a colleague. Those stories have power on their own. We bring them together, we can make a difference. These are the stories that are a powerful force for change. Because at the end of the day, like I said, we're not just moms or moms and more.
I'm really excited for you to be in these conversations this week. You know, as always, you'll be able to tune in both on KK and W but also wherever you get your podcasts. And if you ever have conversations that you want to bring to the forefront, I encourage you to go to welcometobeam.com. All of this will be in the show notes.
That way you can share your story with us, please, I'd love to hear them. I am a listener, as I said, and trust me, there is nothing you can do that can surprise me. Nothing. You will see why as as we dig in on this show. So I am I'm really excited for you to join these conversations each week. Thank you for grabbing my hand and coming along for the ride on this journey that we call life. Then I'll see you next Wednesday as we kick off some incredible conversations that leave you inspired and ready to take action. Here's a sneak peek.
We have New York Times editors, we have authors, we have podcasters. We have movement makers, we have those who have sat in seats of power coming on our show, and we have them talking about the challenges that they face at home and abroad. I think you're gonna love it. So, tune in. We'll see you next Wednesday. And until then, onward and upward, my friends.
Before I go, I'd love to hear from you. I have a story that we should talk about for anmore click the Share your story button on Welcome to bing.com and make sure you're signed up for our newsletter there to get all the information about upcoming events, giveaways and more. You can also follow us on Instagram at @BEAM4Moms. I'd love to shout from the rooftops for my team who makes this beautiful show possible. Special thanks to Stacy Harris, without whom the entirety of beam would have been just a fleeting thought. Of course, Dave Nelson, the man behind the mic and all the production for all these things. Benny Mathers, our producer for the KKNW support, and graphic design by the inimitable Sullivan and Sullivan Studios.
And you know, I cannot forget my Dave, Brandon and Evie, the trio that pushes me always to be more myself, to all of beam's founding members, we are eternally grateful. Thank you for your unwavering belief that the power of our stories can make a difference. And to you my gorgeous listeners and guests. We love you. Thank you for trusting us with your stories and your time. It would mean the world to us if you'd follow rate or review on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get these stories and also share it with friends. You know the ones that want to hear it until next week, onward and upward, my friends. We'll see you then.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
